Word 3: Woman, here is your son...Here is your mother

John 19:26-27 “Woman, here is your son…Here is your mother.”

Theme: Family Relationships

Would you agree or disagree with this statement: family is the most important thing in my life?  How about the statement that you would anything for your family?

It is a near universal fact that family is of the upmost importance to us.  Was Jesus a “family man?”

Let us look at what Jesus said about the family.  What he said might surprise us.

Matt 12:46-50

⁴⁶ While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. ⁴⁷ Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
⁴⁸ He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” ⁴⁹ Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. ⁵⁰ For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

What do you think Jesus is thinking when they show up?

Maybe he is embarrassed that his mother showed up while he is teaching to pull him away.  He is over 30 after all!

What do you think Mary and his brothers thought when he refused to go with them and essentially said they were no longer his family, or at least that his family now included all of these other people?

They were no doubt hurt and shocked.  As we have discussed, family bonds transcend time and culture, so it doesn’t matter if familial-ties and identity were stronger in the Greco-Roman world; Jesus’ words would hurt at any time in history.  Maybe Mary’s thoughts turned to when Jesus was 12 and his family thought he was lost on the way to the Passover feast.  When they found him in the temple still, Jesus acted surprised that they didn’t know he was in his Father’s house.  Early on, Jesus was redefining his familial ties.

How does Jesus redefine his family?

He reorients it around those who do the will of the Father.  We are back to the theme again of faith requiring action.  Notice also that he adds the words “sister” in vs. 50.  His mother and brothers show up, but Jesus goes out of his way to include sisters in the family.  This is significant because he elevates women to equal footing with men in the family of God.  All are capable of doing God’s work and participating in the family.[1]

Let us look at another example of Jesus’ teachings, this time, without his own family present.

Luke 14:25-33
²⁵ Now large crowds were going along with Him; and He turned and said to them, ²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. ²⁷ Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. ²⁸ For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? ²⁹ Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, ³⁰ saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ ³¹ Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? ³² Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. ³³ So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.

What are your initial thoughts?  How does it make you feel?

Many people will no doubt focus on the word “hate” or “giving up all our possessions.”  Jesus is using a hyperbole here to make the point that we have to put others needs before our own.  Not only are we supposed to hate our family, but also our own life.  It is any surprise Jesus uses such a strong word when he follows this be saying that those who wish to be his disciple must carry their cross?  We are so far removed from the terror of the cross that we gloss right over the fact that the carrying a cross was not something one would aspire to do.  The cross was a symbol of death in the Roman world.  To carry one’s cross, a sign of death, must actually be and look like hate.  Yet, we must put this teaching in the context of other things Jesus has said like loving our neighbor and our enemies, for example. (The story of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37 is a good example of Jesus both saying love one’s neighbor and then redefining that neighbor to include the enemy.)

So, what are the costs of discipleship?

Hating family? Ourselves? Leaving our houses and family for the sake of the Gospel?  Giving up all our possessions?  The answer is yes and no.  If by hating ourselves and family we mean treating all others with love and dignity, then yes we are to “hate.”  Is everyone called to give up all of their possessions and live a life dedicated to the family of God? No, but we must all be willing.  We must hate our possessions, so that we are always open and willing to how God would use our lives, our families, and our possessions for his Kingdom.

Concluding thoughts:

Returning to Jesus’ words from the cross to place his mother, Mary, and John in each other’s care, we are reminded that through Jesus, our family has been extended as well.  Our family is no longer just our siblings, parents, or cousins, but it includes all those who are followers of Christ.  All the responsibilities and privileges we currently feel towards our family now extend to the family of God.  We are truly all siblings of each other and Christ, under God the Father.  I want to leave you with a story of two Moravian missionaries, who in the 1730s left Europe to preach to the slaves in St. Thomas and other islands in the Caribbean.  These two men were willing to sell themselves into slavery to preach on the island.  We have to imagine that although the Moravian missionaries eventually made it to St. Thomas with the help of the Dutch government, there were inherent risks involved in maritime travel as well as living in a trade colony and preaching to slaves.  These two men were willing to put their own lives at risk.  They literally, gave up their possessions, “hating” self and family to ensure that those who had no other chance to hear the Gospel would.  These two missionaries understood that in God’s Kingdom, family relationships are redefined.  What matters most is obedience Jesus Christ.

Deeper thinking:

Two other passages on Jesus’ view of family and the cost of discipleship are Mark 10:28-31 and Luke 9:57-62.  In Mark 10, Jesus speaks of receiving even more than we give up if we leave our family and possessions.  What type of reward is this, and how does it relate to why we serve?  Do we obey and follow Christ for reward only? 

In Luke 9, Jesus teaches that we can’t be half-heartedly following Christ.  If, after starting to follow Christ, we get distracted by anything, which includes family, we’ve lost focus and put something else above God.  We must never lose sight of the goal; like one with the hand to the plow, we must face forward to see our guideline and stay on track. (This analogy works for mowing also, if you’ve never plowed a field.)  Is this the type of evangelism message we typically hear?  Jesus seems to make it clear that before we follow him, we should consider the cost.  What, then, do you think is the cost of discipleship?  Is that cost taught often in our churches?  Or, how common is the story of the Moravians in the current church?  What, if anything, does this say for how we preach and evangelize in our churches?

Further reading:

J.E. Hutton, History of the Moravian Church. Accessible here http://www.ccel.org/ccel/hutton/moravian. But the chapter on these two men is here http://www.ccel.org/ccel/hutton/moravian.v.vi.html.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship.

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[1] For a comparison of why this is important, see the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas 114: “Simon Peter said to them, ‘Mary should leave us, for females are not worthy of life.’ Jesus said, ‘Look, I shall guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males.  For every female who makes herself male will enter heaven’s kingdom.’” Marvin Meyer, The Gospel of Thomas: The Hidden Sayings of Jesus. 1992, 63.