On why I want a civil union

It is time to write my first blog. I didn’t know what to talk about first, but Kelcey said I should do my thoughts on marriage. That seems like a good idea since marriage is a subject that is being talked a lot about around me.

I begin to think about this issues last year with all of the discussion about prop 8, then my thoughts begin to develop as other situations arose. Let me first lay out my general idea. I think that the Church marriage should be separate and different from the marriage certificate and status that the State offers. A Christian marriage draws its authority and power not from anything the State offers but because it is a union with Christ at the center. My thoughts are still developing on this, so let me throw out some of my ideas and hear your feedback, suggestions and critiques. I only had a few books that talked about marriage, so I read all the pertinent pages, but the reading list was pretty small.

First a little background. Marriage is considered a sacrament in the Catholic church, they have seven. (confirmation, penance, extreme unction, ordination, marriage, Eucharist, and baptism.) Protestant Churches only have two sacraments, the Eucharist and baptism. The criteria for a sacrament, drawing from Luther are: 1. it must have Christ’s explicit command and authority behind it. 2. A physical, material element (sign) 3. the divine word of promise that requires the response of faith. (Rob Staples, Outward Sign and Inward Grace. 93)

Although, protestants don’t consider marriage a sacrament, we generally consider it a holy thing, thus it is referred to has “holy matrimony” in some circles. Let me give you a few words from the Book of Common Prayer and the Nazarene Manual (2005-2009).

Holy Matrimony is Christian marriage, in which the woman and man enter into a life-long union, make their vows before God and the Church, and receive the grace and blessing of God to help them fulfill their vows.” (BOCP 845)

Christian marriage is a solemn and public covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God (BOCP 422)

The Bishop or priest declares:

We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.

The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. (BOCP 423)

The Manual reads like this:

The institution of marriage was ordained by God in the time of man’s innocence, and is, according to apostolic authority, ‘honorable in all;’ it is the mutual union of one man and one woman for fellowship, helpfulness, and the propagation of the race. Our people should cherish this sacred estate as becomes Christians, and should enter it only

after earnest prayer for divine direction, and when assured that the contemplated union is in accordance with scriptural requirements. (Manual 35)

In biblical teaching, marriage is the commitment of male and female to each other for life, reflecting Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church. (Manual 35.1)

What I want to argue, and this is by no means unique to me is, that a Christian marriage is essentially and wholly a religious institution. I am not married in the eyes of God because the State says so.

Since I am now writing this second half of the blog a week later, let me just wrap up before this sits on my desk-top any longer with a few points and questions.

There needs to be a dialogue in the church that goes beyond just the traditional homosexual marriage debate. It is commonly sighted that 50% of divorces end in marriage and that Christians marriages aren’t much better. A survey done by the Barna Research Group reveals that divorces are actually lower in both Christian and non-Christians. The numbers are still high for Christians though. (http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm; http://www.barna.org/) The debate needs to focus on what marriage is in the eyes of God and the Church. The discussion needs to focus on the goals and plan for marriage. (Maybe at a later date, I can discuss this more but see Eph. 5:21-23; Gen. 2:21-24; Matt. 19:3-9) By changing the tone and focus of the discussion we can turn from a message of hate and exclusion. Before we can focus on the external threats of marriage we must first fully grasp its full meaning as revealed in the Scripture and live that out.

Let me end with a few situations to think about. Suppose you don’t buy my argument that Church and State marriage should be separate. What happens if homosexual marriage is legalized, then polygamy, and finally whatever the heck you want it to be? To what extend does the State have to define marriage as contrary to your definition till you begin to think about this argument? I don’t know if this will happen, just something to think about.

I started this blog by saying that a few situations in my life have got me thinking this way. Let me give you a few of those. First, let’s imagine a couple where one or the other needs to stay on their parents insurance till one of them can get a job with health insurance. Is it ok for them to get married by the Church and get the legal certificate after one of them gets a job with health insurance? Another example; I know a couple that wants to get married, they are committed to each other and live together. They have children and have only recently started coming to church. Although they want to get married, financially it is a really difficult decision to make. Weddings aren’t cheap and they can get more government aid for their children if they don’t get married. I think in these situations the answers aren’t easy. Writing this down it feels like I am just trying to beat the system and fool the government. But some people (this involves why some homosexuals want legal married status) want to get married mostly for the legal benefits. i.e. hospital visits. While others want to delay marriage or never get married because of other benefits that provides.

Let me offer one more suggestion. I believe that civil unions should actually be what the State gives out for both homosexuals and heterosexuals. This skirts the whole marriage debate. I get a civil union from the State and then I go to my church and get my marriage or whatever your faith tradition calls it. But, as of now heterosexuals cannot get civil unions in California. There is perhaps a little irony present in thinking I should sue the state to allow access to civil unions for all.

Let me know what you all think about this. I’ll probably get like three readers so I’m not expecting a big response. Below is just a quote I wrote down but didn’t include.

“A marriage which does not constantly crucify its own selfishness and self-sufficiency, which does not ‘die to itself’ that it may point beyond itself, is not a Christian marriage. The real sin of marriage today is not adultery or lack of ‘adjustment’ or ‘mental cruelty.’ It is the idolization of the family itself, the refusal to understand marriage as directed toward the kingdom of God. This is expressed in the sentiment that one would ‘do anything’ for his family, even steal. The family has here ceased to be for the glory of God; it has ceased to be a sacramental entrance into His presence…In a Christian marriage, in fact, three are married; and the united loyalty of the two toward the third, which is God, keeps the two in active unity with each other as well as with God.” (Schmemann, For the Life of the World. 90) This teaching is reflected in Matt 10:24-39, the “meaning of discipleship.” (my thought)